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I'm Imperfect, but I'm Working on It

February 13, 2017

I’m definitely not perfect. I can be awkward sometimes. I can be really quiet and shy at first, especially in large crowds of people I don’t know. I’m a little weird sometimes and say things that may seem strange. I’m probably a little more OCD about certain things than I should be. I like to schedule and plan . I have a weird obsession with spreadhseets and tracking almost every aspect of my daily existence. There are times when I’m not the most reliable and attentive of friends. Sometimes I may be a little selfish. I’m an extremely introverted individual, and sometimes this gets the better of me and I actively avoid socializing for long periods of time. I have struggled with depression in the past and seriously contemplated ending my life. I was hospitalized in a psych ward because of my previous statement. I don’t like to do things that most “normal” 23 year-olds typically do, things like going out on Friday nights, sleeping in on the weekends, or drinking a bit too much every now and again. Sometimes this makes it more difficult for me to “fit in.” I probably spend too much money on coffee and bikes. I haven’t had a girlfriend now for almost 3 years, and honestly I haven’t even tried to put myself out there for anyone during this time. I don’t like staying up late and “going out”, but I sure do love to be by myself. I could probably be a better brother and a better son to both of my parents. I could probably call them a bit more often, or save up money to go spontaneously visit them more frequently, but I don’t. I can be really hard on myself sometimes, beating myself up over seemingly minor and trivial events in my life. It takes a lot for me to introduce myself to someone that I don’t know, and it’s probably going to be a somewhat awkward encounter for both parties involved. I’m really self-counscious of the way I look. I like to spend my weekends exercising, like my weekend riding my bike or running around Phoenix, which may sometimes get in the way of me socializing with some of the friends that I have. As healthy as I like to think my diet is, I probably eat too much sugar. I just can’t help it; I love cereal and Clif products way too much. I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. I’m not perfect; nor is anyone else perfect for that matter.

 

Not one single person on the face of the planet is perfect, but then again what is “perfect”? I could perceive my so-called flaws as something that makes me inadequate or imperfect. Perfection, as society often likes to define it, is a myth. Perfection is accepting who I am in this moment, flaws and all. I’m not regretting the past choices I have made because they have led me to where I am today. I’m not worried about the mistakes I will surely make in the future as I will learn and grow from them. I’m accepting myself here and now, for all that I am and for all that I am not. I’m constantly learning and growing, becoming more and more of my true, authentic self every single day. Although I will never be perfect and there will always be flaws, I am working on it.

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